Monday, July 07, 2025

8 lessons I learned when I turned down my dream job

In recent months, I have been interviewing for a full-time permanent role. I have been working as a contractor for the last few years, and freelance for the last four months, but I have decided that I don’t want to be pigeonholed as a ‘fixer’ and would like a position where I can build a long-term marketing strategy.

In the last few years, however, my decision to take on a new job has not been as critical (for example, my most recent role was a 10-month maternity contract).

But now, I am faced with a much more critical decision: where do I want to stay, and build my career, for the next five years or more?

I turned down one job offer a month ago because I didn’t think it was right for me. But this month, finally, after many months of intensive interviewing, I thought I had found the perfect role.

It was the head of B2B marketing at a midsize marketing, customer experience, and web design agency.

There were several challenges, including a lack of web presence, a need for thought leadership, and the requirement for more effective branding. However, based on my previous experience, I thought I could handle that with ease.

I would be mentored by the founder and CEO, which was a definite attraction. Additionally, I would be managing a talented junior employee, and potentially a larger team in the future.

All in all – it was the real deal – precisely the type of challenge I have been looking for all these months (and what I turned another job offer down to take).

But then disaster struck, just as I received the job offer, red flags began appearing all around me, left, right, and centre, of one type or another.

When the recruiter informed me of the salary offered, I was disappointed. It was 25% below market rate, certainly well below what you would expect for such a demanding role. However, for other reasons, I decided (perhaps against my better judgment) to accept the offer. 

I did not want to be the person who turned down a job that I could add significant value to, and which would further my career, for the short-term ego boost of a bigger salary.

However, when the contract came, I had my second big shock. It was the most unfair, controlling, and poorly written contract I have read in my career. I have the benefit of many years working in business, alongside a law degree from the LSE. I do know my way around legal matters, particularly contracts.

The contract demonstrated an imbalance of power heavily in the company’s favour. It included unusually restrictive clauses, such as severe non-disparagement terms that limit what an employee can say even after leaving, vague language that could be interpreted broadly and unfairly, and a probationary period that was twice the time initially promised.

It also required me to waive my right to the standard 48-hour maximum working week, which can lead to excessive demands without extra pay or clear limits. Frankly, I would like to meet the lawyer who drafted the contract (It was of such low quality that I suspect this was a boilerplate, or even one written by AI, which is concerning in of itself).

Combined with unrealistic role expectations set by leadership, the contract conveyed to me a culture of control rather than trust.

This leads me to my next point – when I accepted the offer (but before I signed the contract, which I did not do), the CEO sent an email to his team and me, congratulating me and saying how excited they all were to have me on board.

But, the email then went on to say that there was a crucial webinar coming up that 'I could sink my teeth into and he added that ‘hopefully you’ll get to oversee the successful delivery of that in your first week!’

This sets completely unrealistic expectations. Eight days after starting, I would be expected to manage and deliver an event I have neither planned nor had time to ramp up for or promote — and to ensure its ‘successful delivery’.

If this does not happen — and by the way, July (when the webinar was scheduled) is widely regarded as a poor time for webinars — then my first major test at the company could be framed as a failure. Such missteps can be fatal at the start of a tenure, when vital trust and credibility are still being established.

It has been crushing for me to have to decline an offer after so much work went into securing it, and after having initally had my heart set on it.

I feel like the kid in the brilliant $500 Chevy commercial, where he thinks he is getting a top-of-the-range Chevrolet convertible for his graduation gift, only to discover that his parents have gotten him a mini fridge.

But as a close friend and mentor of mine, Steve told me, ‘You should thank them for letting you know who they are BEFORE you started working for them, rather than after.’

And frankly, he is 100% right. Because during the course of my career, I have been in that awful situation – when you think you are walking into your dream job, but in the first two weeks there, you realise, you are actually in a Stephen King horror movie.

So I truly dodged a bullet.

I’m a big believer in taking responsibility for my actions, so here are the lessons I learned about myself in this engagement:

1. Clarify the money early

It’s my responsibility to confirm the budget matches the role. I made the classic salesperson’s mistake: I checked authority, need, and timing — but skipped budget. Lesson learned. 

2. Effort brings clarity

Putting in time helped me see what doesn’t fit. Every interview, negotiation, or red flag reveals your real, non-negotiables: culture, leadership, workload, trust, and alignment.

3. It’s a two-way test

Recruitment is never just about whether they want you — it’s also about whether you want them. Watch how they communicate, negotiate, and handle pressure. Early signals matter.

4. Saying no is strength

Walking away, even after investing time and hope, is self-respect in action. Your skills and energy have value — better to wait for the right match than settle for the wrong one.

5. Contracts and demands tell a story

Overly harsh clauses or vague expectations aren’t “just how it is.” They’re clues. Next time, ask sharper questions up front: What does success look like? How do they handle mistakes?

6. Gut checks need evidence

If something feels off, test it. Your instincts sharpen with each experience — but facts (like poor clauses or impossible deadlines) confirm whether your gut is right.

7. The process builds resilience

Every cycle — from applications to interviews, even saying no — hones your positioning and confidence. Employers respect candidates who know their worth.

8. Share to help others

Writing about this normalises healthy boundaries. Many feel trapped by Sunk Costs — “I’ve come this far, so I have to accept.” You don’t. And sharing that frees others.


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